i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
