Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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