Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
