You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
