like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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