You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
