You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
