I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
