So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
