the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
