I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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