Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
