You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
