addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
