the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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