no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
