I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
