my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
