I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
