fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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