Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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