i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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