I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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