PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have feelings that need drinking.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
