you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
