My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
