I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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