All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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