Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is my gift to your gina
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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