Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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