Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Panties = found
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
