She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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