Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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