Can Purell be used as lube?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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