Taylor Swift is so right about you.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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