I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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