He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
