Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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