I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
