no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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