your thong is hanging out like whoa
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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