I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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