dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
