Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
