the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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