Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
