When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
