Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will pee on everything he values.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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