I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
