didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
