Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
