Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
