I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
