I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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