Moan for me like Helen Keller
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
