so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
