He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My life is pants optional.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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